I'm a new man, I wear a new cologne, you wouldn't know me if your eyes were closed: on turning 21

lost love by ~xslim on deviantART

It's here,

Ineveitable I'm sure. One thing I am glad of is that, I used to be very down about the whole quarter life crisis - dangnammit! I haven't accomplished anything...my life is worthless drag. But when I look back, I am really astonsihed at how much grace and favour God has put in me. I didn't even know I would make it this far 4 months ago. I'm not sure if people really realised how serious the bind I was in was. I think Hell is not merely fire but a deep disconnection from everything. I am coming back from hell. I don't want to ever go there again.

But looking back on my life, I am kinda impressed. On my way to Toronto's Pearson to meet my friend Nicole Isaak from project (saskatoon blonde bomber) who is flying in from NYC...then I am going to that city of dreams, Montreal for a few days where I get to meet old friends and even Robyn Leavens from project who is flying in from Victoria.

Honestly, I think I am the most interesting person I know. And honestly too, I rather be no one else. Yea, I do like the mirror - a lot. LOL.

I miss Brunei.

Age ain't nothing but a number. All I care about is where am I GOING? where is God taking me?
It's been too hard living
But I'm afraid to die
I don't know what's up there beyond the sky
It's been a long, long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come
Oh, yes it is

Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?
I haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean?
And we can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet

These reeling emotions they just keep me alive
They keep me in tune

The words you say to me are unlike anything
That's ever been said
And what you do to me is unlike anything
That's ever been

I'll follow through

Oh, chariot
Your golden waves
Are walking down upon this face
Oh, chariot
I'm singing out loud
To guide me
Give me your strength

Remember seeking moon's rebirth
Rains made mirrors of the earth
The sun was just yellow energy
There is a living promised land
Even over fields of sand
Seasons fill my mind and cover me

Bring it back
More than a memory

Oh, chariot
Your golden waves
Are walking down upon this face
Oh, chariot
I'm singing out loud
To guide me
Give me your strength

You'll be my vacation away from this place
You know what I want
Holding that cup that's pouring over the sides
Makes me wanna spread my arms and fly

love song for no one

this is a bad qual vid but whatever, it's the only one available. Awesome song. The girl is deaf... Happy Valentines.

But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams...

all at sea - don't believe me when I say I got it down... I need you more than ever

One beautiful June afternoon after church, I had the chance to head out to Ghost Lake Reservoir near Cochrane, AB for a chill time with a family friend. It was a beautiful afternoon. I love deep one on one conversations, especially set against a magnificent backdrop. Somehow they form permanent connections with your hippocampus (memory). I think I want earth to be like heaven. That is why I am so frustrated.

Jamie Cullum - All at Sea

I’m all at sea
Where no one can bother me
Forgot my roots
If only for a day
Just me and my thoughts
Sailing far away

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to, all at sea

I’m all at sea
Where no-one can bother me
I sleep by myself
I drink on my own
I don’t speak to nobody
I gave away my phone


Now I need you more than ever
I need you more than ever now

baby! it's cold outside...

these are the days when one wonders...was UBD really that bad? Was heading out to Gold Coast, Australia to Griffith not a good option? oh vie did ah cahm to dees countreahh??!


The National Post today stated that an Arctic air mass descended onto Northern Ontario and Manitoba putting things in deep freeze. The temp in Winnipeg was -53 deg C (??!). aND yesterday, tho I am very inured and tolerant of this frigid frying pan I was singing Norah Jones' 'shoot the moon'..."summer days are gone too soon..." as I almost frostbit my face. It was -31 deg C and is still continuing until tomorrow. Holy Carp (the fish mind you) that's cooler than cool (ICE COLD!)


Praise the Lord that I have an Authentic Canada/Snow Goose Parka...I'm ready for this baby! Bring it!




In other news, the pussycat dolls were nominated for a Grammy for 'Stickwitu' (ok I like this song but...c'mon!). All i can say to that is: "DON'T YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME?!" (see image above). Sorry no pigeons.

a heartbreaking work of staggering genius

Wow what a title! I first picked up this book from a good friend of mine Alwin Chong (who has just completed his BA in English at the prestigious University of Melbourne, Australia) back in Brunei in 2002 after I finished Lower Form 6 (Grade 12 in Canada). It was written by a then 29-year old Dave Eggers who actaully made reculsive J.D. Salingers acclaimed "Catcher in the Rye" seem average. The book is full of satire and irony and is also supposed to be a memoir but it is manic and laced with some really brilliant lines. The cool thing is that this guy hits the ground running and as Bob Wake puts it: "Before the narrative proper even gets under way, we’re treated to some 40 pages of satirical prefatory material, including the copyright page, which is itself loaded with jokes: "Published in the United States by Simon & Schuster, a division of a larger and more powerful company called Viacom Inc., which is wealthier and more populous than eighteen of the fifty states of America, all of Central America, and all of the former Soviet Republics combined and tripled."

So why am I randomly talking about a book I read almost 5 years ago? Well...I'm not too sure. It's just that I suddenly identify myself with the Younger Eggers. The vulnerability, the inability to reconcile the good and bad in the world, the frustration with imperfection, the yearning for more...

Maybe because it also reminded me of something crazy that God decided to do:
Genesis 1
26-28 God spoke: Let us make human beings in our image, make them
reflecting our nature. God created human beings;
he created them godlike,
Reflecting God's nature.
He created them male and female.
God blessed them:
"Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge!
Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air,
for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth.
31 God looked over everything he had made;
it was so good, so very good!

But then...

Genesis 6

5-7 God saw that human evil was out of control. People thought evil, imagined evil—evil, evil, evil from morning to night. God was sorry that he had made the human race in the first place; it broke his heart.

So there it is: I am, you are, we are a HEARTBREAKING WORK OF STAGGERING GENIUS..." See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands" Is 49:16



This is Where I Hold You by ~sweetpea05 on deviantART

happy new month

Lately I've been wandering
Off the narrow path
You've given me so many things that I've never had
And all in all I know it's you that always pulls me through
If you reach deep inside you'll see my heart is true

The world I know is pulling me
More and more each day
I feel like the odd man out as I begin to pray
Spiteful eyes are watching me
With everything I do
In the midst of darkness Lord
My spirit calls for you

Cause I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice

...this is harder than I thought it could be...happy february - the 2nd best month of the year (july always rocks mah world)