The title is taken from a chapter of the book 'Can Man live without God?' by Ravi Zacharias.
Reading it has been really edifying to my faith which has been transistory of late. I highly recommed it. I had the privelege of hearing him speak when he came to UW 2 years ago. In many ways, our lives parallel - we were born in the same hospital; the Madras General, India.
I want to quote some things that are poignant and moving to me:
"Who am I?...Am I only what I know of myself?
restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage.
Struggling for breath as though hands
were compressing my throat,
yearning for colours, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
thirsting for words of kindness, for neighbourliness,
trembling with anger at despotisms and petty humiliation,
tossing in expectation of great events,
powerlessly trembling for friends at a great distance,
weary and empty at praying at thinking, at making,
faint and ready to say farewell to it all?
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
and before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something in me still like a beaten army,
fleeing in disorder from the victory already achieved?" - Dietrich Bohoeffer
This next passage captures in a few words what many have tried to elaborate incessantly on:
"The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that the sense of loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon peculiar to myself and a few other solitary people, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence. All this hideous doubt, despair and dark confusion of the soul, a lonely person must know, for he is united to no image save that which he creates for himself. He is bolstered by no other knowledge save that which he can gather with the vision of his own eyes and brain. He is sustained and cheered and aided by no party. He is given comfort by no creed. He has no faith in him except his own and often that faith leaves him shaken and filled with impotence. Then it seems to him that his life has come to nothing. That he is ruined, lost and broken past redemption and that morning...that bright and shining morning with its promise of new beginnings will NEVER come upon the earth again as it did once." - Thomas Wolfe.
There it is. My sentiments exactly. I'll keep searching.
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2 comments:
Very poetic. Very true.
The part by Thomas Wolfe is very true in my life too. Many hideous doubts about my existence and my beliefs in me and God trouble my often. Recently, I've been wondering if God is really a master illusionist as some people say. I think I can live without God. I feel there is no God, and that there is no defined set of principles that religion and God have given us. I feel that it is just some kind of restriction in our thoughts. It jails us like in a bird. I am not saying that the principles block and are an obstacle because I think about doing cruel and "unethical" things. But all in all, I wonder what is the ultimate purpose of man. I doubt when I'll know it (if I'll be late) and surely whether I will know it at all. I surely feel that there is this need for a divine spirit for support and for improvement in life. Otherwise, I get no motivation or enthusiasm. I believe that I should not develop my motivation for worldly things like getting lust and weatlh as reward. My motivation lies in knowing my purpose and living my life according. Since, I cannot find a purpose of life(ultimate purpose of living, I mean), I'm lost in my thoughts world of doubts and delusions.
NB: I just put down whatever thoughts came to my mind. ( I have this slight fear of rejection that my talking like this would not be welcomed by my peers and friends and that I will have myself cheated and have my life lost by thinkings such as I have. I wonder if my future would reveal to me that I have wasted my early years in such thoughts. There is so much to work for and compete for in a world such as this. I have to be smarter and so determined to concentrate on other things and reach a decent position in my life. I believe I am determined but not always.)
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