the perfect day?

Yea it's me again...taking a break after a hard laborious day (more on that some other day).
My first question: have you ever had a day where it was amazing from start to finish? If you could just cut that day and stretched it out into eternity, you sorta would have a better idea of how happy and joyous heaven would be? I did. I'm going to tell you all why it was and spare more of the specific details.

I had just spent an amazing summer on a mission project and during that time met so many amazing people and had unforgettable memories. I had just got a cheap bus ticket to go to this place near the ocean. A special someone at that time lived there. Growing up surrounded by poverty in a small town with modest surroundings and pleasures - this place was so...breathtaking. I guess me being a hopeless but dying romantic only compounded things more than it is. So on to the day: here is how it went.

I got up in the morning to call her and ask for directions. I had just woken her up. She said "I'm so glad that it was you whose voice I heard the first thing in the morning as I woke up." I smiled. Took notes. My buddy accompanied me to the public transport system...i was returning her guitar as well. I had such a good time just waiting for the bus and having him beside me. Until today and always I love him like the brother I never had.

He dropped me off - I got on the train: very impressive - It didn't have drivers! So I went to the specific station and waited for the bus. As I was sitting down with the guitar, I met a man who was waiting for the same bus. Struck up a good conversation about his background, what he believed in and his family. Then got on the bus and met another person who was really friendly and talked to me a lot about the place in general. It all felt like a stellar adventure.

Then I finally arrived. As I walked down the bus and waved goodbye to my good but momentary friends. As I walked down the street with the guitar and swagger, I just felt soooo good. Then I kinda got lost, then I asked an older gentleman where that location was. He held on to my hand for support and as I looked up, it was right in front of me. Her condo/apartment. As I went in a pressed the buzzer, I heard her voice. It was weird, to hear it in such a new place away from where we met and spent the summer. I still remember her walking down and smiling - and I just felt: giddy...it was better than cocaine. Ahem. Anyway...

I had a good conversation with her mom and then we decided to go down to the beach. Before that, I got an email from my cousin which I showed her from her room. He had just found faith in God and thanked me. I couldn't have been happier with his newfound faith - she shared my joy. As we walked down, we saw that they had built a small water fountain...i splashed her face and ran away as she mockingly sulked and chased me. So we held hands and walked down to the beach...laughing and joking like young people in love do. She actually asked me for directions to the beach and I was like "you live here! I JUST GOT HERE! LOL" She never did have the best sense of direction, but it was one of those quirks which was kinda cute especially cuz she had a fair dose of road rage. Initially I was unimpressed by the beach, but looking back now...it was beautiful. We grabbed some food and then sat down among the grass along the promenade. It was a perfect summer day. The ocean was in front of me. I put my head on her lap and closed my eyes. I heard the waves and the birds. It was so serene. We talked...about God, what we experienced, about us, the future. We saw kids playing and being silly...we looked at each other and them and grinned. I told her "I think I will relive this day in my mind for a long time." Little did I know how true that would be. Then we decided it was time to go, so we headed out to the pier which stretched across into the bay. There we got to see what is called 'crabbing'. I was fascinated...just then, she stroked my back and kissed the side of my face with deep sincerity. I smiled. Then we walked back to get some pastries so that we could have dinner with her parents. It was really good conversation. I liked them both a lot. She didn't really talk all that much - I kind of respected her for that. She just listened, such demure. It was really attractive and disarming.

Then we decided that it was time for me to head back. Then our friend called and mentioned that there were fireworks that we could go and see it downtown. So we decided head down drive out to the train station, and I was impressed that she drove a stick shift. Then we boarded the public train to head downtown. In the train there were a few kids who had pot in their bag and were being real ass-clowns. My grip around her shoulder tightened - if anyone tried to hurt her...damn, sh*t was goin to hit the fan son! Lol. Then they walked right into a cop who busted them. Ah life. She pointed out the college her mom took some courses at. Then we finally arrived. As we walked out - we held hands as we strolled past the throng. So strange, here I was...so far away from everything I ever knew...so comfortable and at home. Then we stood in front of the starbucks that overlooked the bay where the fireworks would go off and then finally ran into our friend who then introduced us to his friends. So then...we pushed our way and finally found a place to sit on the beach before the fireworks began. I remember watching the silhouette of her face in the pale night light...she smiled back at me. I could've drowned into her eyes: they were so innocent and beguiling. I pinched myself...it was real!

The fire works then started...as it blasted across the sky...I was just thinking about all the electron transfers that were going through (NERD!) The Czech Republic was in charge of it that day - and it was jazz music accompanying it. I still remember rhapsody in blue and the pink panther theme. Then when it was over, we milled through the crowd and tried to make our way back. All my other friends left the train, but I stayed to accompany her to her car. She met an old friend from uni. They chatted. She told me how hurt her friend was from several experiences in residence her first year. As we got off, I walked to her car. I just felt like I had to hug and hold her. In her arms, I felt a strange sensation that I never have felt in my life - I felt as if I was home...it was a beautiful feeling. It was also my mother's birthday (whom I hadn't seen for 2 years). Then without intending to...we shared our first kiss. It was electric. The fireworks felt like duds in comparison. She drove away on cloud 9. I walked away on cloud 20 and took the wrong train twice!

As I slept that night...i remember my friend asked me how my day was. I said..."not bad - pretty good.' But as I smiled, prayed and closed my eyes to sleep...I was like "holy moly! That was the best day of my life! Thank you Jesus!"

That was a long time ago. I may never go to that place again...she is thousands of miles away - literally and figuratively. Even if I did, it will definitely not be 'magical'. We did not work out. It could not have. I had serious issues (actually that's an understatement, I was a freaking gong-show...I acted like a total psycho) and it was just an infatuation based on our idealization of each other. It was too good to be true. We were in love with love. Even today it is painful to relate all this. The sense of loss for me is profound...and the self-inflicted wound I bear cuts deep. It's not the fact that it ended that hurts (relationships and people are not always forever) but the manner in which it did. Regretting it is useless; the damage for now is irreparable and enduring. I am sorry though: "not just a little sorry, but the big kind of sorry that makes me wish I could take it back, but I can't." She lives there, so to her I imagine that it is not that great...you get used to it. She probably remembers parts of it and shrugs it off. Plus, I made it very easy for her to forget that day, forget me: i'll just leave it at that. I don't think I can ever listen to Oleta Adams' 'Get Here' song without having an emotional seizure.

It's ok. Really is. Her purpose in my life was for another reason: to teach me the important lessons about my character and making God my security. To literally blow me out of the water. It was my september 11 (literally actually) - everything has changed after that. I lost my naive selfishness thru the aftermath of the fallout...and also my self-inflated innocense (both oxymorons, I know).

But that day, we meant the world to each other...we were so ecstatic and 'What a Wonderful World' was playing in my head. Now...it all feels like a dream. Maybe because it was. But I am so grateful for that day anyway...it is a blessing most people do not ever experience. But a greater blessing is true, abiding and mature love. Still, I will keep it in a special corner of my memory and heart...that day made it hard to get back to the real world later on. But really...it is embellished in my mind now...im sure that it was ordinary in many respects...but looking at the good now...it was so precious and surreal. Like someone took me to this paradise on a quick hello. Goodbye, beautiful dream/day...thank you for visiting me...sorry for messing it up down the road...it was meant to happen the way it did I guess. Wow this post is LOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGGGG. God is still in control. It was too well orchestrated to be random. The Pictures of the actual locations but taken by others are posted up. This is how I felt in the end (see pic above). Life is beautiful, precious and good...but don't hold on too tight. Be patient. Relationships and friendships are fragile. It's important to be selfless and not stifle something by trying to take control, being needy or smothering someone with over-affection. I wasn't any of that. I am and will keep on learning. Somewhere far, I pray and wish the best for her - pray that she keeps discovering God's plan for her and continues to grow and find fulfillment. Hope the fella who gets to be her man for the long haul, actually knows how blessed he is. I have nothing negative to say about her. She is really something/someone special. Well...that's that! Quite a story eh? - sitting here in a drab dorm room surrounded by work, it feels like a soap opera that I concocted in my spare time.

I have a gift for remembering events in intricate detail (it scares me sometimes) - it is also my curse...hmmm...maybe I should've been a historian...

What a difference a day made, twenty four little hours
Brought the sun and the flowers where there used to be rain
My yesterday was blue dear
Today I'm a part of you dear
My lonely nights are through dear
Since you said you were mine
Oh, what a difference a day made
There's a rainbow before me
Skies above can't be stormy since that moment of bliss
That thrilling kiss
It's heaven when you find romance on your menu
What a difference a day made
And the difference is you, is you...