that's it? you're done?!

well, today I recalled something that the project leaders Dave Rennals and Shelly Chen mentioned when we left Calgary aeons ago. I'll quote it:

"As the project draws to a close, let us remember that part of God's work this summer was to prepare us for things that He has planned for us to do in the future...As you read this now, and as you read it in the future, you have a decision to make: You can either put into practice what you've learned and use what God has entrusted to you for the advancement of His kingdom, or you can bury it, letting it rot away unused.

The success of these 3 months will be measured by the way you spend and invest the rest of your lives."

Wow...I mean, how can I forget that God is in control and that He uses experiences to shape me for HIM? And forget that I have an enemy who wants me go out like a P.A.B.? Right now, I am livid...that I've gone out so far away from my first love, from all the things that were valuable to turn into this control-freak/anxious/defeated/whiny geezer. And I'm not done!

I have been meeting a lot of people and trying to plan my "future", to make sure that I am "successful". So that's it? Make money, hold on to Canada, get a family/hot wife, grow old, do lots of 'hobbies' and die? WTH mate! I am astounded by all the love and patience of my friends. I'm sure I've annoyed the boogers out of them the last 5 months. I am even more astounded at how I made something worse and worse without having some good sense.

"Prefer my life-disciplines over chasing after money, and God-knowledge over a lucrative career. For wisdom is better than all the trappings of wealth. My benefits are worth more than a big salary, even a very big salary. A good life is a fruit-bearing tree." Proverbs (The Message)

I'm not doing this (P.A.B. life) anymore...no matter how far down the wrong path you've gone...the only right thing to do is to turn back. I feel so drained and incompetent..."Here is what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going-to-work and walking around life and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don't be so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit in without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out..." Romans 12:1-4.

I'm not a good reflector of God but if you're here and are wondering what in the monkey I'm rambling about, please click here.